Whimsy

Did you hear the one about eleven 8th graders on an elevator?
Into the Woods Jr. has just closed. I finish my awards presentation and head into the lobby to greet parents and friends of the students. I smile and nod and tell all of the parents how awesome their children are. I do my backstage check to make sure nothing/no one is broken/missing. Looks good. Downstairs, parents are coaxing super-hyper students out of their costumes and into their street clothes. Standing ovations tend to have a caffeine-pill effect on novice actors, but the kids seem fairly manageable. "Awesome!" I think to myself. "I can actually go feed Lucy." I grab my hungry daughter and nurse her in the bathroom. After we're finished, two of my girls come strolling in.
"Thanks so much Mrs. Carter," says Rhoda. "This was so much fun!"
"Yeah, thanks for putting up with our class. We can be pretty crazy sometimes," adds Moesha.
"Oh, girls, you did an outstanding job, "I say. "And your class isn't that bad." For the moment I mean it. I am able to overlook the glitter fights and the running in the halls and the constant screaming that normally characterizes this particular group. I leave the bathroom in high spirits only to be greeted by my husband who is grinning like a goon.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Nothing much. Oh- while you were gone a bunch of your students got stuck on an elevator."
"WHAT?!"
"Yeah. There's like eight girls stuck in there."
As I run to the elevator, I can just imagine how the headlines will look: "Unsupervised Students Pack into Elevator, Plummet to Their Deaths." As I reach the elevator I am greeted by a group of bemused parents and security officers. I hear hysterical screaming echoing from inside the elevator.
"Girls..." says one of the parents. "Girls. You're going to have to calm down in there. They're going to get you out."
More screaming. The security guard sighs.
"How many are in there?" he asks.
One of the fathers replies in an exasperated tone, "Eleven."
"Eleven!" he says. "Why in the world did they do that."
"Because they're fourteen-year-old girls," Annoyed Dad says flatly.
"Oh. Right. Uh.. well, maintenance is on their way."
Jason whispers into my ear, "The number of people isn't the problem. I bet they jumped."
"Sounds about right," I reply.
More screaming from inside the elevator. More feeble attempts to calm the hysterical children. Maintenance arrives and begins working on the control panel. Jason, who has been taking in the scene with utter delight, taps me and says, "I think the elevator will open downstairs. I don't want to miss this." He scampers away, giggling with each step. I wait upstairs, and the maintenance crew gets the elevator working. More screaming ensues as the elevator jumps to a start. The door opens in the basement, and we can hear the shouting and crying from the ground floor. I watch as the students come pouring upstairs, each girl sobbing more hysterically than the last. They all find a parent, friend, or remote acquaintance and fall into his/her arms screaming some variation of, "I thought I was going to DIE!" I stifle a guffaw. Seven crying girls come out of the doorway, followed by Donnie who appears sheepish. I look a bit closer and notice that his eyes are rimmed with red. I stifle another laugh. Then Belinda The Emotional Rock enters looking baffled. I overhear her telling her father, "We were in an elevator for, like, six minutes. I don't understand what the fuss is all about." She gives the surrounding hysteria a disapproving sniff and walks away. Finally, JaMawn and Fred emerge exchanging the I'm-in-so-much-trouble glance. I notice their nonverbal exchange and confront them.
"So you jumped, huh."
JaMawn tries to look contrite, but I see the hint of a smile as he lowers his head, "Yes Mrs. Carter. That was a dumb thing to do."
I think about lecturing him, but then Jason returns.
"Dang. You'd think they were being rescued from ground zero or something like that," he says irreverently. Tragedy, so it seems, is in the eye of the beholder.
In the end, I didn't punish anyone. I figured that the girls' trauma was punishment enough. And the boys were trapped in an elevator with seven screaming girls, so I figure their suffering was sufficient as well. The students wrote an apology letter to the VUCA for all of the trouble they caused, and Mrs. Carter was not fired on the spot.

Reading: Mansfield Park- Jane Austen
Playing: The sound of Lucie snorting in her sleep over the baby monitor