Dan wins! Now all he needs to do is give back the Burlap to Cashmere CD he stole, and he can redeem his cheesecake. "How," you ask," can you know that Dan stole the CD?" Well, ladies and gentlemen, it takes a little thing called the power of deduction. Now my reasoning skills can be blindingly fast at times, but try to stay with me. You may recall that last week I said that I would bake a cheesecake for anyone who won the contest as well as anyone who finds my CD. It was a trap! Yes, t'was mere trickery to lure in the scoundrel who stole my CD! The cheesecake was a rouse! I knew that the villain would want cheesecake, but he also would not want to give up the CD. I then brilliantly devised the cheesecake contest knowing that the culprit would participate in the hopes that he would receive the cheesecake without having to give up the CD. At first I was worried that my plan would not work, since hoards of people could have responded. Fortunately, only two individuals entered the contest, and I was easily able to determine which one was the true perpetrator. Sara responded first, and then Dan responded with more entries, making him the winner. I worried that Sara might have let Dan win to hide her intense desire for the cheesecake, which would in turn, hide her culpability in the CD incident. However, after she demanded part of the cheesecake, I realized that she was not, in fact, to blame. You see, a criminal always tries to make himself/ herself appear better than he/she is. Sara openly revealed her sin nature when she insisted that Dan give her part of the cheesecake. Under these circumstances, Sara cannot be the thief. This revelation leaves only Dan as a suspect, therefore he is the hooligan. He is sentenced to a beating with socks filled with Valencia oranges.
And to any naysayers who may pooh-pooh on my unorthodox detective skillz- God revealed all of this to me in a dream. So there.
Currently playing- "Back in Black" AC/DC
2 comments:
Sweet valencia oranges?
My demanding of the cheesecake was not, indeed, a sin, but part of my God-given responsibility to mold Dan into a more Christ-like person. Sharing cheesecake is something Christ LOVED to do, and so I was merely fulfilling my duties as future wife of Dan in encouraging him to do what is right.
Of course, maybe I anticipated your line of thinking on this matter and deliberately diverted your attention from me with the demanding of the cheesecake, in which case WHO'S THE SUCKER NOW, SUCKER?
If you're right, then why don't I believe you. Wrap your mind around that!
I wouldn't want your stupid cheesecake anyway. i know you people can't bake. Oh yeah, go ahead and change your name Mrs. Carter, I know a Glidewell when I see one. All you dirty limeys trying to hide who you are so you can trick us into eating your bad food. I bet you don't even know how to make cheesecake. here's a hint: You don't boil it.
Now why don't you go back to your odd shaped island, eat some crumpets, and whine about how you should have a bigger role in the EU. Of course you won't actually do anything about it, you'll just act all snoody and make passive aggresive remarks to France who you've been pretending to like since Germany got a new former soviet girlfriend who's younger than you and is always talking about her "movie career" even though it was just a bit part in a Jackie Chan movie. She didn't even say anything, who does she think she is!
On second thought, i want the cheesecake.
Post a Comment